I’m not the first person to use the leather vagina metaphor for overpriced purses (like when you laugh at a guy for buying a penile sports car), but I can’t attribute it since I don’t remember where I stole it from. I hope whomever it belongs to claims it; it’s so good I feel bad
That was a great piece of snark and tone setter for the work day.
You may have written on this topic, but I'd love to see your take on an even more maddening extension of the desperate status chasing and delusional worship of what I call the "beloved messengers" (BM if you will...so aptly named)
We have all done it, spent hours watching, talking about, emulating and idolizing these empty chameleons, shifting from one character backstory to another, to sell the products to the fools throwing money at them and their industry.
As with the leather vaginas, people spend copious amounts of time, attention, mental energy and self respect memorizing lines said by a fake character, played by their favorite BM. They buy their swag, sponsor merch and items dreamed up by the BMs themselves - because everyone needs a candle that smells like gweneth's pussy or orgasm for $75.
Carry the be-speckled leather vagina to the sports world and it's the $3 nylon jersey with your sports "hero's" name ironed on it, sold to you for the prestigious sum of one or two hundred dollars. I'm convinced they could sell jock straps with player's names & numbers and idiots would buy and wear them.
Much like your comparison of the turd like, cheap and useless product as compared to real things (vacation, food, paying down debt) the BM worshippers also throw their mental and emotional worth on empty vessels.
I've asked both sexes and all age groups to tell me something about their favorite hollywood actor, sports figure or musical artist. They ramble on and can even provide details on pets.
I then ask them to tell me the name of either a plumber, electrician, waterworks worker, lineman, firefighter, grocer, roofer, road worker or garbage collector in their town, city or state. You know the people who keep the toilets flushing, water coming out of the tap, lights on, and garbage from piling up in your garage - crickets - as they wear the $200 smock of shame, emblazoned with the name of their favorite player, of children's games.
It's all shiny toys for the stupid monkeys, but then it's always been so.
Someone we know got their boyfriend to buy them a five thousand dollar handbag. I could buy some some really nice musical equipment with that and a lot more.
I bought a plain leather bag for under $50 a couple years ago that may well last the rest of my life — whether I remain a poor writer or am struck by the money fairy. What I really need is for my book to become a best-seller and to be made into a movie so I can make a big point out of continuing to carry my very sturdy no-name bag forever. I’ll specify that my heirs get money only if they keep carrying my old bag. I am myself an old bag, so it’s only fitting.
It was a definite bargain and it’s well-made! I actually get compliments on it all the time. I really need to become filthy rich so I can show everyone how humble I am by continuing to carry my cheap purse. I mean, what good is it to carry a cheap purse when I’m poor and everyone knows I have no other option. My book needs to be made into a movie immediately just for this reason.
heheh yeah, I’ve never been actually poor, only terminally ironic. Sure! They’ll buy that, I’ll be able to sneak past HR into a position that is actually commensurate with my experience and abilities by Tuesday, armed with this hack. Be sure to click subscribe!
>Let me guess: They have a matching tracksuit and sneakers, so you can shed fifteen ugly, unnecessary grand to secure your “30-year-old high-school dropout who smokes rollies at the off-track betting all day, but better than you” coord, eh?
Not "better than you", but "not worse than you".
There's the difference: "you see? I can humiliate myself as much as you - therefore you must accept me as an equal!"
Pitiful, but what can one do. After all, they were not given these allowances for being particularly interesting people.
On the other hand, interesting people don't take nearly as much money to humiliate themselves.
>"Do people not imagine all the other stuff they could do with all that money? The hobby equipment. The dozens of day trips. The camping, the glamping, the celebrity tours; learn to code, learn to dance, boxing, helicopter rides in the desert, ads for your book, paint, food, nice booze, a pony. Jesus Christ, some of this shit is creeping up on FUCKING HARVARD TUITION."
I've wondered the same thing. When Bitcoin skyrocketed in 2017 I bought some utilitarian things I thought I might need if my life took a bad turn. A full set of waterproof, battery heated clothing cost me $600. A ten watt rugged solar backpack with battery cost $300. My icewater circulation vest was, I think, $200. I like nice things too, but suspect my definition of "nice" is different, being the son of an engineer. I always want to know "what can this do for me which justifies the clutter and upkeep of owning another thing?"
But then, why do all the billionaires buy yachts, while we're on the subject? Surely one of them would decide to be interesting and buy a submarine, or underwater villa, or hydrofoil, or private train, or hovercraft, or ekranoplan? But nope, all yachts. Maybe just the most economical way to spend time outside the US EEZ and snort coke off the tits of instagram models, but even that seems like it would get boring compared to my own ekranoplan.
Right? The first time I heard that 800-dollar boots existed, I wondered whether they were fully tested against outer-space vacuum, or if they were only good for walking across sand that is actually turning into glass.
The King of Prussia mall in Pennsylvania is one shopping mall that has survived, apparently by featuring a lot of designer stores. I’m not a great judge of handbags, but, last time I was there, I walked by display windows with these purses that looked like the weird funny ones form the 60s or 70s that I used to see in thrift shops. What puzzled me about all of these luxury stores was that no one seemed to be shopping there. I understood why they wouldn’t, but I don’t understand how these stores exist. The same goes for the caviar store at the airport, a big store with tons of caviar and maybe one customer who just looks like he wants to talk to the cashier. No one seems to buy enough to support the existence of these stores, and yet they remain.
I mean, one of the richest guys in the world owns a bunch of these brands... I don't know if I should hit post, except I'm already on so many lists, damn it...
Akshully when my dad and his brothers were young and poor they used to catch frogs out in the fields and eat them, and the only reason the French eat snails is because outside of the central cities the cute little buggers are EVERYWHERE. But I get your point, there are all kinds of rare things people eat just to be dicks
I guess slimy things are poor people food AND rich people food, given the context.
What I think is decadent rich people food is fish eggs, wtf. Although there’s a couple kinds that I used to like on sushi, before I quit smoking and suddenly I can taste all the mercury so I have to roast my fish to death.
I think a lot of aspirants to the upper-middle class will hate whomever their betters tell them to hate. It’s only in the past few decades that the cross-currents of their hatred have built one of the most hilarious webs of hypocrisies in history. It would make for great satire if only they would publish it, which is kind of why I turned to stop-motion.
You're hired.
Hahahah
I’m not the first person to use the leather vagina metaphor for overpriced purses (like when you laugh at a guy for buying a penile sports car), but I can’t attribute it since I don’t remember where I stole it from. I hope whomever it belongs to claims it; it’s so good I feel bad
You had me at "leather vagina".
That was a great piece of snark and tone setter for the work day.
You may have written on this topic, but I'd love to see your take on an even more maddening extension of the desperate status chasing and delusional worship of what I call the "beloved messengers" (BM if you will...so aptly named)
We have all done it, spent hours watching, talking about, emulating and idolizing these empty chameleons, shifting from one character backstory to another, to sell the products to the fools throwing money at them and their industry.
As with the leather vaginas, people spend copious amounts of time, attention, mental energy and self respect memorizing lines said by a fake character, played by their favorite BM. They buy their swag, sponsor merch and items dreamed up by the BMs themselves - because everyone needs a candle that smells like gweneth's pussy or orgasm for $75.
Carry the be-speckled leather vagina to the sports world and it's the $3 nylon jersey with your sports "hero's" name ironed on it, sold to you for the prestigious sum of one or two hundred dollars. I'm convinced they could sell jock straps with player's names & numbers and idiots would buy and wear them.
Much like your comparison of the turd like, cheap and useless product as compared to real things (vacation, food, paying down debt) the BM worshippers also throw their mental and emotional worth on empty vessels.
I've asked both sexes and all age groups to tell me something about their favorite hollywood actor, sports figure or musical artist. They ramble on and can even provide details on pets.
I then ask them to tell me the name of either a plumber, electrician, waterworks worker, lineman, firefighter, grocer, roofer, road worker or garbage collector in their town, city or state. You know the people who keep the toilets flushing, water coming out of the tap, lights on, and garbage from piling up in your garage - crickets - as they wear the $200 smock of shame, emblazoned with the name of their favorite player, of children's games.
It's all shiny toys for the stupid monkeys, but then it's always been so.
heheh smock of shame… you should definitely save and use that.
YES! Thank you for the juicy, juicy response.
Someone we know got their boyfriend to buy them a five thousand dollar handbag. I could buy some some really nice musical equipment with that and a lot more.
I restacked this just off the hilarious headline. Banger!
Hee hee hee, thank you so much!
I bought a plain leather bag for under $50 a couple years ago that may well last the rest of my life — whether I remain a poor writer or am struck by the money fairy. What I really need is for my book to become a best-seller and to be made into a movie so I can make a big point out of continuing to carry my very sturdy no-name bag forever. I’ll specify that my heirs get money only if they keep carrying my old bag. I am myself an old bag, so it’s only fitting.
heeee he he, well, it just came out that Dior only pays 58 or so to manufacture its coupla-thousznd-dollar bags, so you may have gotten a fab bargain.
It was a definite bargain and it’s well-made! I actually get compliments on it all the time. I really need to become filthy rich so I can show everyone how humble I am by continuing to carry my cheap purse. I mean, what good is it to carry a cheap purse when I’m poor and everyone knows I have no other option. My book needs to be made into a movie immediately just for this reason.
heheh yeah, I’ve never been actually poor, only terminally ironic. Sure! They’ll buy that, I’ll be able to sneak past HR into a position that is actually commensurate with my experience and abilities by Tuesday, armed with this hack. Be sure to click subscribe!
>Let me guess: They have a matching tracksuit and sneakers, so you can shed fifteen ugly, unnecessary grand to secure your “30-year-old high-school dropout who smokes rollies at the off-track betting all day, but better than you” coord, eh?
Not "better than you", but "not worse than you".
There's the difference: "you see? I can humiliate myself as much as you - therefore you must accept me as an equal!"
Pitiful, but what can one do. After all, they were not given these allowances for being particularly interesting people.
On the other hand, interesting people don't take nearly as much money to humiliate themselves.
that is an excellent nuance
hehehe
>"Do people not imagine all the other stuff they could do with all that money? The hobby equipment. The dozens of day trips. The camping, the glamping, the celebrity tours; learn to code, learn to dance, boxing, helicopter rides in the desert, ads for your book, paint, food, nice booze, a pony. Jesus Christ, some of this shit is creeping up on FUCKING HARVARD TUITION."
I've wondered the same thing. When Bitcoin skyrocketed in 2017 I bought some utilitarian things I thought I might need if my life took a bad turn. A full set of waterproof, battery heated clothing cost me $600. A ten watt rugged solar backpack with battery cost $300. My icewater circulation vest was, I think, $200. I like nice things too, but suspect my definition of "nice" is different, being the son of an engineer. I always want to know "what can this do for me which justifies the clutter and upkeep of owning another thing?"
But then, why do all the billionaires buy yachts, while we're on the subject? Surely one of them would decide to be interesting and buy a submarine, or underwater villa, or hydrofoil, or private train, or hovercraft, or ekranoplan? But nope, all yachts. Maybe just the most economical way to spend time outside the US EEZ and snort coke off the tits of instagram models, but even that seems like it would get boring compared to my own ekranoplan.
man I could sure snort some coke off some tits right now
Either coke or tits sound good enough on their own, but yes
But yeah, the vehicles and structures i would confect if I were a billionaire, holy cow...
Right? The first time I heard that 800-dollar boots existed, I wondered whether they were fully tested against outer-space vacuum, or if they were only good for walking across sand that is actually turning into glass.
Rm Williams boots have lifetime warranty.
The King of Prussia mall in Pennsylvania is one shopping mall that has survived, apparently by featuring a lot of designer stores. I’m not a great judge of handbags, but, last time I was there, I walked by display windows with these purses that looked like the weird funny ones form the 60s or 70s that I used to see in thrift shops. What puzzled me about all of these luxury stores was that no one seemed to be shopping there. I understood why they wouldn’t, but I don’t understand how these stores exist. The same goes for the caviar store at the airport, a big store with tons of caviar and maybe one customer who just looks like he wants to talk to the cashier. No one seems to buy enough to support the existence of these stores, and yet they remain.
Maybe they're laundering money?
I mean, one of the richest guys in the world owns a bunch of these brands... I don't know if I should hit post, except I'm already on so many lists, damn it...
Akshully when my dad and his brothers were young and poor they used to catch frogs out in the fields and eat them, and the only reason the French eat snails is because outside of the central cities the cute little buggers are EVERYWHERE. But I get your point, there are all kinds of rare things people eat just to be dicks
I guess slimy things are poor people food AND rich people food, given the context.
What I think is decadent rich people food is fish eggs, wtf. Although there’s a couple kinds that I used to like on sushi, before I quit smoking and suddenly I can taste all the mercury so I have to roast my fish to death.
I think a lot of aspirants to the upper-middle class will hate whomever their betters tell them to hate. It’s only in the past few decades that the cross-currents of their hatred have built one of the most hilarious webs of hypocrisies in history. It would make for great satire if only they would publish it, which is kind of why I turned to stop-motion.
I have no idea how the world should be run, I just wish most people would bathe more often