Brief Bad Ideas, #1: Porn for Peace

We can't get rid of it, Candace

Since Candace Owens had a bad sanity day and decided it’s possible to eradicate porn, my Twitter/X feed has shown me that faceless “Venus de Willendorf” sex statue more times than my Classics degree.

Give up, Candace. Porn and the internet go together like lions and mutilated antelopes.

Porn might be making young people crazy and romantically retarded, but there’s nothing we can do about it—except maybe some romance ed as a counterbalance—so we’d better tame it. Maybe even find a use for it.

A young woman in a headscarf stopped me in a French suburban street the other day, very flustered, to inform me that my sweater was slipping down my shoulder, in a way that if, should my tank top ALSO slip, she would be able to see my boob, and already she could kind of see part of the top of it.

At first I was annoyed, as one is by any busybody church lady who's trying to colonize one's civilization with bullshit from the seventh century, but then I realized:

There is absolutely no way this poor little baby dyke was staring at my chest like that by accident.

There’s not even much to see, but she stared like a 13-year-old boy through the entire interaction, even when she was hissing at me.

She'll be whacking off to that for the rest of her life, poor kid. So I figured I should be civil, make it a nice memory.

At the same time, I gotta say, either mind your own fucking business, or give me your number, assuming you’re legal. Porno for peace. We can't get rid of porn, might as well do something useful with it. Let’s invite the neighbors.

Yeah, all France needs is a video of French ladies in Zadig and Voltaire garter belts deflowering a crew of horny, repressed filles du voile. I missed my calling, I really should have been in the UN.

I’ll be here all week!