ELECTION SONG (Communists Don't Tip)

“I am a poor mother

In some distant foreign country

You can see me in the abstract

And take pity

That I’m hungry

But what if I’m the jerk who serves your bar food Friday night?

You can treat me like an ashtray and you think that it’s all right

Communists don’t tip

You’re so full of shit, you lying b&tch.”

Yeah, I know it’s a little late to submit folk theme songs for the 2024 election. But I’m FOLK, see, and therefore had to record this thing on seven hundred dollars’ worth of equipment, computer included. But hey, it’s FOLKSY and it’s SPITFIRE and you get to shout “You’re so full of sh&t, you lying b&tch.” Yeah, this is going to be censored everywhere; I guess I should start making a bleeped version as soon as I start making a “real, not a USB microphone that makes the soundcard crash every four measures” version. But damn, having to do so many takes means I’ve re-learned to sing after all these years. (I used to be a musician, believe it or not, but at the time, becoming a writer was less expensive. Actually it’s still less expensive, it’s just that when I was younger I didn’t realize poor people don’t really get to be writers. Quelle paradoxe.)

Anyway, have some angry anti-communist ballad while we wait for the riots to start.

There’s a less vocal-heavy version rendering in a couple of hours, but I’m so late, here’s the rought draft. Before All This Me thought hey, I’ll just learn Ableton quick and use it on my crappy PC.

I’ll just back off into the bushes now while the music producers laugh uproariously. But you have to admit, if you had this song running through your head for 20 years of hard labor, you’d be trying to get it outside of YOUR head, too. Particularly in the current climate of all the brattiest people whining.

So give it a listen.